How To Actually Be Authentic & Real With People
Being real and authentic with people is very important, because it is going to determine your success, your happiness, and the people you attract, and also the people you repel. It greatly affects your opportunities, your level of fulfillment, happiness, purpose in life. Because if you're not being authentic with yourself especially, let alone the people you're working with and all the people out there in the world, then you cannot be happy or fulfilled. And you cannot achieve the things you want in your life. So how to be real and authentic? First of all, you should sit with yourself, no music, no phone, no other distractions. Sit with yourself for 10 to 15 minutes. Just sit and notice what thoughts come in and out. Some maybe good thoughts and some bad thoughts. See the little monkey on your shoulder or the Gremlin on your back and just realize that isn't you? These aren't your thoughts. And that is actually noise and head trash that life has dropped down into you. So sit for 10 to 15 minutes at least or one hour. And just see what comes up. And then what you can do is ask yourself, “Why am I hiding from others? Why am I hiding? Who am I really? Who I what I really feel? How I really feel? Why am I not being authentic? What is it about people part of me? What is it about me that I do want people to see? What am I afraid that people will judge me if they see the real me or if I speak up or speak louder?”
You don't have to agree on everything everyone says on a work trip or in a date or meeting. Sometimes, a lot of times people pay people to give them advice and suggestions or ask questions. Now, think about whether that is what you really want. Sometimes people are paying us to contradict some of the beliefs they have or things they say or be the devil's advocate to help them see other opportunities, especially if you're a consultant, mentor coach or the leader. It's my job to help people see other possibilities. And say, I'm not sure that's true. Or I'm not sure that's right. So ask yourself as to what will happen if you show your true self, your true authentic self. What will happen if you do and what will happen if you don't you have to stop worrying what people think about you. And because it causes us not to live in the authentic life and not to live a life of happiness. It makes you hide from who you really are. If you are living a life to please others and often it is your friends or community or parents or colleagues and you are living a life just to please them and not living your own life but someone else's. And when you come to grips with that, it sucks at first. You have to think about how specifically you are not being authentic and what should you stop doing and what should you start doing? This may cause you to lose some people at first and you may ruffle some feathers at first. But you should understand that those are the people that don't want the real you and don't appreciate the real you. Instead, you're just a copy of them or a clone or a robot or an agreeable person. That's not who people resonate with.
You should go against the grain and understand that it's not the people that are clones who succeed and achieve what they want, but the people who are different. Avoid very worrying if people don't like the color of your hair, or the or how you dress. If you want to speak up, you should. If you disagree with something, go ahead. If you want to share your thoughts, share it. So sitting down, and just understanding your thoughts for 10 to 15 minutes, at least, if not, if not an hour is a very valuable exercise, then the monkey would probably start talking and the devil on your shoulder will start saying stupid stuff to you. But you just have to ignore it. Tell the devil if the ground to shut up or to stop it and be assertive, so it does stop it. And obviously, you are not going to be out on your own. Because there are lots of people that are going to resonate with the real you. And you don't want to be with a group that you don't resonate with anyways, it's not going to be happy. And it's no wonder that people are drinking and drugs, sex, all sorts of stuff out there in the world. No wonder people are pushing the feelings down and we are numbing our joy and our pain. We are numbering our desire to do something more fulfilling and to be happy with our lives and relationships and conversations. So just be real and avoid being a flat or lifeless person or a fake person. Be real with yourself and with the people out in the world. And this is going to polarize people. Some people will not like you as much anymore. They may leave your life, but that's a good thing. Because more right people are going to enter your life and you will naturally attract the right people right circumstances, job opportunities, work opportunities, business dates, clients, whatever it is that you want to achieve in your life. So drop the people who are not supportive and who does not really resonate with the real you. And sometimes it happens in our families too, but you just can't drop families so have boundaries with your families. Keep massive and very potent boundaries with your family too, so that you can be who you really are and be authentic and succeed in your life.